The Rules

One of the things I did not expect about wedding planning was all the rules. Etiquette rules or just tradition. I've never been big on silly rules. This is the girl who fought college officials tooth and nail after they took those dangerous halogen lamps out of our college-owned apartment senior year. (That's stealing. I wanted my property back and I got it.) So, Emily Post may be sorely disappointed in me (that's her at left) but here's my list of annoying rules:

Thou must get your guests drunk on your dime
Not a rule, but a "must have" according to this story on the Today show.

"Going to a wedding reception that does not have an open bar is like going to California and only seeing Fresno."

Not only have you insulted my home, but now you've insulted me. The average wedding costs $27,000. I'm not only supposed to feed all these people, but I'm supposed to blow my house fund and go into debt so they can have a free mojito? Screw that. You're getting beer and wine. That's how we do it in Fresno.

Guests must base self worth on labels
From Allexperts.com:

While clear, printed labels are fine for impersonal mail, when it comes to an invitation to an important event like a wedding, they really are inappropriate.

That's not to say that people don't use clear lables. They do. However, the label, in my opinion, cheapens the look of something that should stand out as a very special, personal piece of mail.

First, if we're going to be perfectionists, I'll point out that the expert spelled labels wrong in the second sentence.

But back to the invitations: How tacky. If I ever get an invite to a wedding with a label - even a pretty clear one with gold script - I am not going to the wedding. How could the bride think so little of me? Why doesn't she spend anywhere from $1 to $2.50 an invite and hire a professional calligrapher? Why can't she put up with a little carpal tunnel from addressing hundreds of invites? The thousands of dollars she's already spending to have me at her wedding is just not enough.

Thou must disrespect women
According to Martha Stewart:

"A formal envelope incorporates social titles and the husband's first name on the outer envelope."

This one just burns me up. We have the right to own property. We have the right to vote. We have the right to control our bodies. Yet we women do not have a first name when it comes to "proper" wedding etiquette. Mr. and Mrs. John Doe is proper.

I was raised by a feminist and I'm proud of it. She's paying for half this wedding and she is half of the couple who raised me and I refuse to disrespect her or any other woman by not even mentioning her name. My invite will proudly be addressed to both my parents, just as both their names are on the wedding invite.

Thou must be beseiged with children.
You are not supposed to say "adult reception" or "adult-only reception" on the invites, according to many of the people on theknot.com. Instead, you are supposed to "2 seats have been reserved for you" on the invitation.

You then watch as people add child after child after child to the rsvp card. This hasn't happened to me yet but I've chatted with several brides online who were shocked that people would tack on the extra guests like it was a barbecue and expect you fork over the extra bucks to feed them. Not to mention risk a wailing child in the middle of one of the most important moments in your life. Or having to say, as I read somewhere recently, "Bobby, get off the wedding cake."

I could go on about inviting strangers, oops I mean dates; Martha Stewart saying it's inappropriate to ask choice of dinner on the invite; secret gift registries that require guests to hunt for them; the taboo against organizing your own shower or bachelorette party, etc. But I'm tired. Not just of rules but just tired. Goodnight for now.