Calligraphy pen: 1, Bride: 0

So my dream of starting a calligraphy business on the side is dead. I have failed to master the calligraphy pen. I had hoped for something like this:

or this:

photo credit: Calligraphy by Melissa

So I bought myself a beginner's kit and a book and set to work practicing. Pages upon pages of my friends' and families' names -- capital As with swirly swashes, beautiful Ks and complicated Ws.

They looked OK, but I had trouble mastering some of the fonts, so I decided to use large fancy first letters and do the rest in my own cursive. I measured out lines on a separate piece of paper that was slipped inside the envelope so when I wrote on the outside it would be straight.

But the pen got the best of me. I used a fountain pen with a calligraphy nib, which started off fine, but I ran into problems getting the ink to flow smoothly. I'd be in the middle of a word and the ink would just stop. Maybe I need better training on how to care for the pens. Maybe it was because I was using upward strokes (with calligraphy and fountain pens, you are only supposed to make strokes that go in a downward direction).

This led to some comical moments. I shook the pen rapidly, not realizing ink was flying out until I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and saw three splotches of ink on my face and neck. Mr. Fried Rice, in a valiant effort, tried to suck the ink out to get it to flow smoother. Ten minutes later I said, "why are your two front teeth gray?" Yep, he had ink on his teeth.

So I charged off to Michael's in a huff and bought a pack of calligraphy markers. The writing was much thicker than the delicate lettering I had pictured, which meant the address had to be written large. They looked a bit too much like my regular handwriting, so I gave myself a B- and went to bed. When I looked at them after putting them away for a few days while I waited for stamps, I was pleasantly surprised: They looked better than I remembered. Here they are: